Shut Up, Stop Whining About American Lifestyle and Get a life

Raghuram Sukumar Lifestyle 17 Comments

shut upR.S. Khurana shared his experience about hard work, determination and making it big in America and comparingit to lifestyle in India. Re-published from the comment to This is How Life is Like for a Indian Family in USA.

PS: Contents were edited for typos and about 5 sentences were deleted from original comment.  Opinion is from the commenter.

I went through all comments. I would say all who are negative had made their life a hell that is why you are having such problems. A brief about me when I came to USA i was 25 I was brought by a wealthy couple from India who needed domestic help.

I was just 5th grade from a Punjabi medium school. Did not understand a single word of English. For 2 years I just went out with lady for grocery shopping and all. I almost worked 24X7 day and night without week offs and no salary.

Even worked as a dishwasher in their hotel. But suddenly in a road accident the couple died. I was left alone out with no money no shelter and the most important no English. I struggled a lot.

Community College to MBA

These days you have lots of shelter homes but during those days there was nothing like that. For next 2 years I just struggled to deal with my basic needs.

After 1 year I was a bit stable with a shelter and food, under a special program I got admitted in a community college.

I studied there for 4 years. Then started working for an IT company and completed my MBA. Remember after my MBA I worked with Google for 3 years.

A typical 9-5 jobs and then I found I should be an entrepreneur. And today at age of 48 I am retired. I took retirement 3 years back and enjoying my life. In last 3 years I have visited places not only in USA but also in other parts of globe.

Indian Family Values

About my kids as someone said that I am suppressing them. I would like to tell you my kids are growing perfectly. They are adopted to American culture. I never forced them instead I thought them the real Indian morals and values. I took them several times to India just to show how our people deal in India and importance of Indian morals and culture.

I am son of a farmer, I showed them what exactly farms are,  how crops are grown and you will not believe whenever they visit India, they go to farms to work like a normal Indian farmer family would do.

Boys and girls I am really sorry for your children if you don’t have time to teach Indian values to your kids. Even in a part of my life I too had worked with a big giant it company. I don’t know what you do in weekends or after 5.

Today, before you come to USA you have options to get self-educated. You can see people. You can speak to people over here. You can almost experience america virtually before coming here.

When I came to America I didn’t know where exactly America is? Me and my parents were told that we are going to a far part of Punjab. Being in a very remote village of that time, We even did not know how big exactly the Punjab is?

This is Why I’m Upset

Ok, just leaving this all aside can any one of you tell me what exactly you do after office?

When a bunch of friends come from India to USA for studies, why you guys just forget your friendship as it was in India and start behaving like Americans as soon as you land over here?

Someone said when in Rome be Romans.  Can you tell me if you had really become Americans then why do you complain. Americans don’t complain of such things.

And the most important, what kind of work do you have after work hours that is preventing from enjoying time with your family?

You wanna save tons of money and send it to India and again you say you can’t go back to India. In that case what has happened to the money you sent it over there. I guess you made a wrong investment cause now at the place you have invested you can’t go.

Is This Possible in India?

Can you think of retirement in India at age of 45?

Or can you think of such a honest staff at your restaurant in India that manages everything and you just need to visit them once a week or so?

Someone said get to IIT. I know now a days IIT gives just 2 attempts. And if you are average, no university or college or school is going to admit you.

Here in a same and good university equivalent to IIT in India or much better age is no bar or you can apply as many times as you wish.

Last month my eldest son told me that he wanted to become a professional sky diver. We just visited sky diving school to experience it.

Now if you are in India the very first thing which will come to your mind is what is the scope.

Next when you will come to know the fees is 67000$ per year you will just ask him that forget about this.

I have promised my son that as soon as he completes high school I will get him enrolled in it. The other twins one wants to be a pilot and other one a doctor.

My little princess wanted to be a sommelier or just wanna try in Hollywood. She can not even spell these words. I don’t have any idea how much is it going to cost me. And as per Indian values I’m not planning at all for loans and all.

But, I’m very sure that I can make their dreams a reality.

Now let me calculate you becoming complete devoted American struggling hard to earn more working 20 hours a day complains all day that USA is not like India.

Can you do any of these back in India?

Boys and girls I have experienced every phase of USA from dishwasher to working for Google and from becoming a business man to retirement it was not my luck it was me who worked hard.

You are in America. Either you become complete American and stop complaining.

Behave like an India with your Indian friends and American to rest of the America.

I’m sure when your group and you understand this you will have a beautiful life same as India.

I’m sorry but don’t try to overpower me I have much more and bitter experience then you.

Over To You

What do you think about his experience and advice?


  1. I am touched. This is a tale of hardships and success. Not even a story, it’s his life. A life which he made a success by his hard work! And not by cribbing about what cards he was dealt. I say, let him be our example of what we can achieve if we set our hearts to it.
    My father is exactly as old as him, but he cannot even think about retiring right now. Why? Because the “Indian Workplace Scenario” never permitted for self-growth, they never inculcate in you a feeling of self-worth. All they want is for you to work off your asses at *minimum* wages. And I’m not talking about the head honchos of corporate houses. I’m talking about an average middle class person who does not have his father’s business as a back-up plan.
    I don’t know if you’ll find this weird, but I am proud of you Sir. And I’m happy that you have a life that you worked very hard for! 🙂

  2. Your story touched my heart…..turned me into misty eyed :'( ..
    You showed courage , spirit and worked hard during your hard time..
    as someone rightly says “Successful people do things that failures do not like” …you are a live example for that…you’re a source of inspiration for guys like me ..

  3. OK! I trust your story, I truly do!! But can you tell us what was that course that enabled you to work for an IT company with no primary schooling, I mean like, 4 years study seems to me a graduation, now for that u need schooling, and an MBA would definitely require a grad. Again, I am in NO way questioning your story, am just curious

  4. Now that’s the spirit!!!!

    Hard work pays anywhere…so stop complaining about the life in US, it can be as good as ‘you’ wanna make it.

  5. Alright Mr. Khurana, you are asking ppl to stop whining about India and get life but arent you whining about India when you ask “Is it possible in India?”. Do you think Azim Premji, Ambanis, Tatas, Birlas, Naranayamurthi, APJ Kalam etc are stupid ppl? they live in India. thet established themselves in India. Ambani was 4 th pass when he started his first job as a assistant at Gas station abroad. Azim Premji left his Masters when he has to take over his father’s business, APJ Kalam’s life was a full of struggle he was a newspaper boy in his childhood! If situation was so pathetic in India every single person would have migrated to some other country. Migration is a personal choice, some ppl want quick benifits & comforts, some ppl find their advanced level of intellectuality will get boosted only in USA, some ppl are attracted towards open culture US offers! you are comparing what things US can get and India dont, dont you? you compare IITs with Us universities? really? whats your authority and what experience you have of IITs when you say US universities are better? IITs dont work on so called American Business model when it comes to academic institutions, its a purely merit basis university, one-of-its-kind in all over the world where its 100% impossible to get into any way except the merit of a candidate. its funding resources are too limited may be a fraction of what US university generally manages to get, IITs infrastructure is still not at par with any US university, and more importantly IITs are engineering schools unlike US universities where all types of courses are taught and area wise its a fraction. STILL it has produced world class leaders is so small time, but still you cant even dare to talk about the quality of students when compared to any US university. IITians are the best of best. US universities “manage” theit admissions in various ways. As far as sky diving etc are concerned, even if it is there in India, it would never be $ 67K it would be as per indian standards. you are looking for comforts only when you compare India and US, thats what exactly a blue collar turned white collar person can do in all. you need to develop a qualitiative reasoning ability when you compare. and btw, what is your perosnal contribution in dealing with the problems india as a country facing? have you done anything for the betterment of India? despite so many countless problems & threats India’s progress is highly impressive in developing countries. you left for US when you were 25, everybody struggles for their own lives not a big deal, in fact in 70s & 80s there were so many blue collar ppl from punjab migrated to USA and established themselves in some sort of business or job, be it a cab driver or a hotel / motel owner. what do you want India to do for you ppl? offer you all world class facilities? i am sorry man! you cannot !

    1. Akshay – What author said is absolutely true. You have listed examples of great people and how they did it, which is awesome. But, for middle class family and kids, situation, decision making is pretty simple – study, work hard, find a job.

      Do you think a parent in India will take high school kid to do skydiving or a daughter to a sommelier ( wine tasting expert). India is growing, but it’s not possible to parents to get the same outlook as what you get in USA.

      I’m a perfect example of what so many engineers can’t do. You have really no idea on what it takes to run HSB. I created to teach HSB readers about blogging. Not even a single person is able to write blog posts daily. If a BE student walk to his dad and says after BE I’m going to be doing full time blogging. You certainly know the response you get from your parents.

      Thats not the case in US. I know several parents (Indian) who take their kids to class ( like Piano,Basket Ball, Ice Skating, Ballet, Swimming, ) day in and day out. It’s not because kids will learn new skill, but kids show interest in something, they expose them and provide them all possible resources to make them shine.

      For Indian parents, kids have to go to school, tuition, get good grade, get into college, get campus placement and earn monthly salary. Thats how they are used to seeing things around and thats what have been done generations.

      Do we have to blame India for that? Absolutely Not. but, thats the difference between Developed and Developing Country.

      You cannot call a person whining just because they migrated or based on level of patriotism. If you want to get into Patriotism, take it up with Politicians who have Billions in Swiss.

      1. Akshay – What are you saying is good, US universities are goos but we cannot compare them with IIT istitute. What people like us settle in US does for india nothing , when we in india we blem india when we setle in US we see more areas which are not goos in india.

        Raghu –
        “I know several parents (Indian) who take their kids to class ( like Piano,Basket Ball, Ice Skating, Ballet, Swimming, ) day in and day out. It’s not because kids will learn new skill, but kids show interest in something, they expose them and provide them all possible resources to make them shine.”

        this is correct people do such a things but when the y loss job fro example both parent lost their job they even cannot servive without salary for 2 months ,the even cannot buy christmus present for their childern .
        When the spen $67K for some hoby they dont think for such senarios thats why they can take care of such a small things.
        I this case parents can give their child food which they brought using food stamp ,is it the good choice?

        Every decision has choice and thought.Please care fro both sides.

      2. @ Raghu, to my defense, yes i have written to PMO, different govt deptt.s total 23 letters and i have got reply to 18 so far. Swiss money is one of the issues i had info about. i have good amount of understanding about Hawala, Swiss Black money, different ways of money laundering etc and have conducted one seminar in my college on this. (hugely appreciated by professors). Also i regularly go to debates, informative seminars or talk shows which are in the interest of my country. i am also hugely concerned 24×7 about the poor people, conditions they suffer and neglect by the society, and their welfare and do as much as i can for them. i wish to do some research in the future and i would be happiest if i could do something very constructive for them to lift them from poverty, beggary and make them live life with dignity & respect. If Nobel Laurate Mhd. Yunus in Bangladesh can do outstanding work by founding Grameen Bank which gives micro finance to poor and make them self-reliant why similar experiments are not possible in India! i know much more secrets about Indian political system (the disgusting dirt actually) its filthy functioning right from a Corporator to the top most constitutional position! i am compiling long article (book may be) on Indian corporate class its filthy relations with indian political system ! You said “You cannot call a person whining just because they migrated or based on level of patriotism.” No i dont, and i never will! But i have “some” right to talk if i sense self absorbant, self centered, selfish , ignorant Indians/NRIs who always speak in terms of profit-&-loss sense like “what you get from India” and what America can give you WITHOUT making ANY positive contribution to survive this Biggest democracy being an Indian. Paying taxes doesnt mean you are doing bigg sacrifice (NRI or native Indian), what u FEEL about India , how much are you willing to contribute/sacrifice in her progress THAT matters, no matter which country you are settled in! i am not against any individual i am against the mentality that has shaped up in past few decades! i have observed our patriotism revolves around cricket, bollywood and indo-pak relations only. after the IT revolution middleclass of india suddenly got highly upgraded lifestyle and possessions, poor became poorer and political class along with corporates exploited india’s natural resources and her wealth secretly. middle class became insensitive to the crucial issues concerning India and her welfare.its time to wake them up from the torpor and realize their duties towards the country. Ppl from other country are more aggressive about their country when it comes to prestige and pride !
        sorry for going aboveboard but you hope you get the point.

        on a different note i have a one simplest Question for all visitors here, exactly how many states does India have?how many of them are under President rule? can you tell the exact number without googling??

  6. First of all thank you Raghu for posting it as an article rather then a comment. I never knew I can write so well that it can be converted to an article.
    Next to all thank you for reading and commenting on it but don’t make me a hero. My experience with USA can inspire you but I don’t wanna be a role model. Everyone has got a different life. Everyone’s life Is a struggle. And when we come to point of USA, it is struggle for everyone. I know how difficult is for you guys to prepare for USA. Staring from preparation process of GRE to application process then arranging funds to VISA interview.
    Ok as I am in America since long time, I had met thousand’s of students from India. What I have found with their expiriences is that people who get things easily are unhappy. And people who has faced any kind of problem and then came to USA are much happier.
    Let me explain it to you.
    Case 1
    A girl plans for USA in final year of college only because her friend is preparing or someone told her prepares for GRE gets good score in first attempt applies for two universities gets admitted, father sponsors education or gets loan easily or gets scholarship then applies for visa and cracks it in first attempt without any issue comes to USA study and after that applies for jobs gets job easily and life goes on.
    Case 2
    A boy who always thought of usa or settiling abroad after completing college due to low grades thinks what to do Prepares for GRE. Father not supportive. Takes GRE 3 times for good score. Applies to 10 universities does not get admission. Again reapply to next ten gets admission for 2. Goes for bank loan but father not supportive. Fights for finances. Goes for visa interview attempts two times. Comes to USA and after studies struggle hard to get a job and then life goes on.
    What I have noticed is that the boy in case two is much more happy in USA then to girl in case one.
    Do you know the reason?
    Usa has been mania for boy. It was his dream. And finally with lots and lots of struggle he had made it. But in case of girl everything was easy.
    People who gets things easily don’t care for it. And in case of USA when they feel that everything was easy then they start complaining.
    Let me give you an example suppose in India your mom prepared a dish which you don’t like then you will not eat it. You will be complaining that why this dish? It’s not good at all. But when in USA you don’t find time or you are lack of resources and prepares the same dish, you will eat it as a three course meal. You will appreciate yourself for cooking it so well. This difference comes because you had struggled for it.
    Ask the importance of bread to a person hungry from 2 days. Don’t go and ask it for person who has a bakery.
    From this comment I do not mean struggle without any reason. But my main point of view is that you will find people in USA who complain for those Things which they had archived easily.
    My suggestion for people and students is that if you are really unhappy in USA go back to India. Or you can even try in other parts of world. Don’t forcefully make your dream that after F1 then OTP to H1B and green card and American passport. It’s not your dream. You will be always unhappy in USA if it is so. Go back as soon as possible you might be missing your dream. I am not discouraging you but just informing you that this is not your dream.
    Please note these are my personal views and experiments. So please don’t contradict on this. Situations might vary from person to person.
    @dev I guess you did not went through post properly. It is clearly mentioned over there it was a special program which allowed me graduation without high school. For your general knowledge USA governemet had a plan long back which allowed adult individuals to go for college if they had sufficient age and on or off paper work experience. It was introduced especially for immigrents who were causing dicline in educational stats. It is same like one we have in Britain which allows you to go for a MBA if you are above 23 and work experience of 5+ years. It does not require high school or graduation. And I was not an IT guy for google. I worked in business development department.
    @Akshay nice put by you. First of all I thought not to answer you but then I feel I should answer you. The very first thing you should notice is that this whole post is not about comparison between India and USA. It’s about people’s views on lifestyle in USA and then they missing India. India is great and will always be.
    What I feel from your comment is that either you are much patriotic kind of person or you are much frustrated kind of person. Frustrated from life might be any reason. And biggest thing which I have noticed in your comment is that you are not matured enough to understand the things here talked off. You are taking topic way differently. I completely agree with you and your views. But before I make things clear to you can you please answer my two questions?
    My first question is to you is that we NRIs contribute a lot to Indian taxes but still after so many years and so many funds generated why we are still behind that even we could not make IITs much better. Or India is one of the major producer of edible crops then why many Indians die every year due to hunger?
    Next question I am a dual citizen and pay taxes in India too for my earnings. Last year i paid a tax of 90 lakhs in india. When I went through right of information act in India I came to know that taxes collected from my village straight away went to central governemet and from there they were distributed to different NGOs and departments for different developments and plans at my village. When I went back to my village I found that my village was same as it was 3 years back. No change at all except governemet officials had made beautiful houses and had brought expensive cars. So where did my money go? Please answer me these two questions and then I will be highly oblige to answer your questions and clear your myths.

    1. First of all Mr Khurana, your second guess is wrong, i am not frustrated at all for any of reasons whatsoever, i am in a perfect harmony healthwise, education-career and social existance wise. secondly i am adequately patriotic not too much, not too less. i am completely aware of inadequacies, corruption, dysfunctional bureaucracy, red tapeism, corporate lobby managing policies and so on. but as a born Indian i am willing to bring a change in the system even if i become an NRI in the future. India is not different from other countries nor its case is unique except in some cases. What irritates me is the attitude a typical NRI suddenly gains after living abroad for few years eventhough he is well aware of the functioning of democracy in india. i am well aware of how NRI mechanism functions as more than 7 ppl from my family are NRIs or US citizens. i personally have better exposure not just of US but UK, Singapore & Australia but lets focus on the issue i have raised. You straightforwardly asked, can u get this in India/is it possible in india etc. you were discussing the returns & comforts. you didnt ask How IITs can be improved, you said US universities are much better and IITs offer only 2 chances while you can apply as many times as one wishes to US univ.s. as i already mentioned, IITs are getting very less funds, are not all-inclusive-universities, they are not even Universities they are just Engg colleges etc etc. My point is, typical NRI always whines and curses about the institutional functioning and about everything in India. his attitude always is, i throw dollars and i demand things should happen exactly the way i want. Piling up money in the form of taxes to Govt of India is not everything. you pay because you have to. Indians also pay the taxes, if you pay 90L that doesnt make you generous. you are no different than a person living in India who pays the taxes on his part. When Govt of India put charges on OCI card entire NRI community raised voice to scrap it but when US govt increases visa fees none of them protests. Thats the magic. your duty towards India as an NRI is to suggest the innovative ideas, see the functioning of different hierarchies, find out glitches, protest about secret tie ups between govt and corporate lobbies, corruption, take active part in the functioning of govt and make it more and more transperant not to whine. many NRIs take such active participations. Not just finding out how the dollars were utilizatied using RTI!
      India faces a big challenge not in the production of crops but the storage & distributation of it. besides the bureauceacy that makes it impossible to distribute the crop for free on SOS basis, even when it begans to rot. Last year some 40% (as far as i remember, source CNN IBN) of crop rot due to this issue, while many ppl dying w/o food.
      your article was not about India, but that paragraph about what India can offer/can you get this in India, honesty of Indians etc. were not worth digesting. btw, i have lot more to say about hoteling industry, its practice, its nexus to gangsters and so on, if a hotelier himself is a criminal or keeps contacts, how can u expect its staff to be honest? also the 3 to 7 star hotels are in better shape as far as professionalism is concerned. but its a totally different topic. you raise it in different article and i will be happy to put forth my views on it.
      btw, apart from compulsory NRI taxes, you can contribute to your village out of ur love and affection thru a well established NGO or if you have got time you can do it personally w/o depending on Govt to do so. BTW on a totally different topic, what is your say in US govt gaving billions of dollars of tax payers money for bailouts AND billions to pay bonuses & Salaries to the CEOs and top management AFTER they declared bankrupsy? Paying just 15% in tax returns by the super rich american? entire US middleclass just watched their tax dollars drained this way in front of their eyes! at least Indian middleclass is able to protest openly, but US govt tried to sabotage the occupy wall st movement with pepper spray and overpowered police deptt!

      1. Honestly Akshay, you’re taking it a bit too seriously. CALM DOWN. Firstly, it’s his personal opinion, EVERYONE except you seems to get that. He is NOT comparing India and US in terms of which one is better or not. Secondly, you need to respect the fact that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. You cannot force your thoughts down someone else’s throat. Mr. Khurana didn’t do that. And if you really found this post SO annoying, you should have just moved on. Why waste your precious time from your “perfect harmony healthwise, education-career and social existance “. Besides, he’s been away for more than 20 years, but what about you? Have you tried “improving” any facet of India on your own? Here’s the major difference between India and US; US respects hard-work and dedication. You gave the example of IITs, but even merit doesn’t guarantee a place in those institutions. What if your seat is given away to a student technically from SC/ST minority but who’s father is a bribe taking Income Tax officer (happened with me, the person was my school-mate)? In US, education is merit-based and that doesn’t only mean scoring high in every single exam you took in your life. It means how intellectually developed you are as a person on the whole. Why do I have a feeling that you’re one of those high-scoring individuals who didn’t get what HE thinks HE deserved?

  7. Thats a great story. Its true that all depends on us not to our surrounding. A person can make a place as beautiful as heaven and break a place like hell. It’s our attitude that matters. If we want to achieve anything and work towards it then someday we will be there. Keyword is attitude and perseverance whether we are in India or US.

  8. Wow, its bit of blogging here. Its great to see that ppl are sharing there experience related to India and USA. I think one should not compare Apples with Oranges, they never going to be same but they both have their own importance and characteristics. One is birth place and one work place and nothing wrong in it.
    I am just curious when we all will come out of those demographic boundaries and work towards making better ambience wherever we are instead of discriminating on the basis of where are living.
    Obviously there is no substitute to hard work, but hard work produces better and long lasting result if its put in right direction.
    Be the way you are and make most of your life as human being rather than defending yourself as citizen of particular country. Life is God gift …………. enjoy to the fullest 🙂

  9. I am sorry, but this story sounds like complete bullshit. Of course, I can’t prove it, but I would expect someone with an MBA and who has “worked in Google” to have a little better spelling and grammar.

    1. Exactly what i thought too…. Damn man there is a limit to what we can swallow when it comes to pure imagination in writing, if u had better grammar you still couldnt pull this off as believable in a fiction novel much less an auto biography…. 10 wasted minutes just for a chuckle…. 😀

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