Gunnar Fox – Author of University Success Plan send me this article, explaining why students in college find it difficult to view parents advice clearly, objectively and without emotions.
It is sometimes difficult to view the parents advise clearly and objectively, without emotion…
Here is why:
Our inherent respect for our parents may make even their ill-considered or rash advice seem wise and important.
We are hardwired to respect our parents. Generally speaking, it is good for all in society for the youth to respect their elders.
When we disagree or rebel against our parents there is always the nagging suspicion that they are ultimately right because they know us best.
We have seen that they are right too many times in our youth. So when they stop being right, and when our wisdom comes to exceed theirs in some areas of endeavor, it can be confusing, or depressing, or exhilirating.
Often our parents’ advice may be based on their goals for us, not on our own goals.
Imposing your own goals on an unreceptive person will result in some kind of failure. They may in some cases achieve the goal but they are unlikely to experience self-fulfillment.
Some parents are unskilled in the art of giving appropriate feedback.
Humans are imperfect. Parents are human.
Parents may have unresolved ego needs that they are seeking to sort out through their children.
This may cause them to heap grossly exaggerated praise upon you because they cannot see you as you are: a person with flaws. Or they may lash you with equally extreme, vicious criticism, because they are unhappy with themselves — and see you as an extension of themselves who must also be criticized harshly.
To make matters worse, sometimes one parent may exalt your drawing as a brilliant Picasso… while the other one will tell you it’s hideous rubbish.
A good parent knows your talents probably lie somewhere in between. If you have parents who love and accept you for being exactly who you are, you are fortunate, indeed.
As we become older, we can “choose” new members of our family.
We can seek new sources of information. New mentors. New coaches. And new people with whom to share our lives.
You can never replace a parent. But we all must seek objective sources of guidance beyond our families and beyond our doorsteps.
If you are a student, I would like to know if you listen to your parents advise without getting emotional and thinking from their view point?
If you are a parent, do you know what your kid’s interests are? Before making career decisions for them, did you have an open discussion about their interests and future plans?