Student Stories

This Female Student Says Indian Male Students in USA are Egoistic. Shocking.

indian male ego

One in a while, I publish an article related to culture and way of life with some added controversy. This article will be no such exception.  This experience was submitted by an user Sharmila (assumed name).

This article was edited for clarity after it was originally submitted by Sharmila , an Indian Female student studying second semester here in USA.

I want the you to read the contents first and then post your thoughts below in the comments section.

Enter.. Guest Author

Like millions of others, I came to the U.S.A. filled with many dreams—it is a place where people say all of your dreams will come true—but for me, I see it as a completely unknown country.

I am a girl from a small conservative family in India.

I came here to complete my Masters at a reputable university. It’s my second semester here and it took a lot of me to get adjusted to my new place, which we call here as our new home.


Would you believe that I had never traveled alone to any part of India?

But now I came all the way to the U.S. all alone, by myself.

I was always protected under wings of my parents. Such parental protection had proven to be good for me, until I left for America. For the first time in my life without anyone I know, I have come this far, by being steadfast and with some support from my fellow Indians.

First Semester in U.S.A

My first semester was a really good experience. I got help from some friends I didn’t know much (mostly fellow Indians) to get adjusted to this new place.

In fact, their support helped me a lot. Since I was new to the place, a couple of them were even kind enough to take me and my roommates to Wal-Mart and other Indian stores to buy groceries.

I never encountered any troubles with my academics, maybe because of my professors, most of whom are very accommodating to help and clear any doubts that I had.

 Second Semester in U.S.A.

This is my second semester here. I have been in the U.S. for almost six months now and within that time a lot of things had happened which changed my views about various people, some of whom I first thought as my true friends.

I’m talking about some of my fellow countrymen—Indian males specifically—who should have been my automatic friends being in the same race, but unfortunately they’re not.

In my dealings with them, most have been hiding their true faces behind a mask. Trust me, you won’t believe my actual experience on how some Indian males treat women here.

Typical Indian Male : Egoistic

In my experience, at first an Indian male will show kindness in assisting “helpless” Indian women like me, who are new to this environment. Later, though, they will show their true colors.

Because of this, I now see Indian men who come over here as very egoistic.

For these conceited Indian males, new girls who come from their region/State (in India) have no other choice but talk to them, mingle with them, and spend most of their time with them.

If these girls won’t succumb to them, most Indian men would likely create false rumors about them and spread these lies within US-based Indian communities.

However, in cases when they succeed in making Indian women be subjected to their selfish “rules,” these Indian bullies would still create unfounded rumors that these Indian women are very interested in them and subject these poor souls into much suffering and torture.

Why, of all nationalities, would a fellow Indian cause such unthinkable deeds to your fellow Indians?

This is something I really cannot understand until now. For these egoistic Indian males, they see friendly Indian women as “call girls,” thus treating them as such, without any form of respect.

Come on, fellow countrymen, just like you, Indian women also come to America with goals to achieve and responsibilities to address.

Can’t you try thinking more broadly?

A woman who shows acts of friendship doesn’t necessarily mean she’s already interested in you!

It’s about time for you to start thinking that just like you guys, Indian women come here for a better life in a better society.

 My Advise to Girls

Because of this experience, I do advise girls, particularly Indians, who really want to come to the U.S. to study—please refrain from relocating to places populated with many Indians, especially males.

Trust me, in most instances, it is far better to deal and mingle with Americans than our supposed Indian counterparts.

Americans will never force you to do anything that you don’t want to do.

And if you chanced upon the opportunity to get married here, please do so because married Indian women are given higher respect than single ones.

It would also help a lot if you have experienced staying in a hostel before you go here because it would be easier to deal with different people you’ll encounter here. Girls just like me who had never been exposed to the realities of the outside world, will find it very hard to reckon with all these challenges.

Immigrants, especially Indians, who relocate here in the U.S, are likely to be subjected to emotional and mental depression, because of factors like financial problems.

When a woman undergoes this condition, she becomes very vulnerable for abuse and many people are likely take advantage of them.

I consider myself fortunate to have met many friendly Americans here, who are kind and far better than Indians. Although their lifestyle is different, they are more likely to give some respect for your opinions and thoughts. They respect you as a person.
I came here to the U.S. bearing many dreams. But after undergoing traumatic experiences with Indian males, my heart was broken.

It is hard to share all of these things with your parents because they are so far away and sharing these matters with them will only make things worse.

I am making this huge plea to my fellow Indians—please respect women and get some life.

First of all, please empathize to understand the feelings of your opposite gender. They too have their own priorities and circumstances.

Learn and live by some ethics which you really, especially when living in a foreign country.

Yes, you are leaving India to come to U.S.A don’t leave the high moral standards taught to you by your teachers and parents.

You guys came here to study and you have the freedom to enjoy time hanging out with your friends. But that doesn’t give you the right to do anything you want, much more emotionally blackmailing lonely Indian girls.

Just like you, they came to fulfill dreams of their own.

Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that there might have been some girls who had been mean to you in the past, that’s why some of you behave like this.

However, such experience doesn’t mean every other girl is the same, thus giving you the justification for your actions.

Most of the students came here on a purpose—usually a serious one—and please don’t shatter the dreams of others for your own advantage and happiness.



She completed her article with strong caution and advice for both male and female prospective and current students.

So, what do you think?

Do you think Indian Male students in USA as Self-Centered and Egoistic?

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  1. “Immigrants, especially Indians, who relocate here in the U.S, are likely to be subjected to emotional and mental depression, because of factors like financial problems.”

    Going to be direct, positive input follows: This comment strikes me as insular. Especially Indians? Maybe in the 1980s.

    The fact is, most Indian people coming to the U.S. come from upper class/caste families, and like yourself are attend university and complete a graduate degree. 55% of actual americans make 30k USD/year or less, and many of those are also paying off the better part of 100k of undergraduate debt, and will never have access to same opportunity.

    In progress at the time this article was written, Indians are now the wealthiest segment of the US population because of the advantaged nature of their status when immigrating and the economic advantages afforded by low cost education unavailable even to locals. Gone are the days when an Indian family comes over with a dream of opening a convenience store or owning a motel.

    Contrast that with Hispanic immigrants, the majority of whom come to the US out of desperation and take menial labor work because their societies have, in large part, been destroyed by colonialist meddling and they were not in the resultant despotic ruling class after the colonizers left. They WALK to the US, sometimes thousands of miles, their lives are that bad.

    Conversely, Indians migrate purely to maximize their income potential. Arrive on planes, get advanced degrees. Any financial struggle is shared amongst most other segments of your host society and you experience a generally minor version of it.

    You’re exactly right on most everything else though. The description of Indian men in this writeup is, if anything, incredibly charitable in my experience. Solidarity.

    The replies to this article are the typical coddled, entitled man-child I’ve come to expect complete with chauvinism, talking down to you, disregarding your opinions, bro-ing up with their misogynist fellows, and generally being pricks. The type that will promote their friends and stiff you with scut work when you move into professional life and suggest a good career path for you is getting married, because the only place they see for women is serving them tea and making them children while they fuck off to play cricket or cheat on you. They should be glad for arranged marriages and familial pressure, as no one would agree to marry them on personality. You deserve better.

  2. I am a female student who came to US for graduate studies, I belong to a very conservative family myself, but have always strived to gain as much independence as possible. I had lived in shared living (hostel) for 2 years before coming to the US. My observations :
    1. Yes, it helps if you have lived in a hostel environment before. But…
    The pros are that you might feel less homesick, you might have already figured out basic cooking, cleaning, taking care of yourself when you are alone and sick, and other stuff to an extent where you can survive. However, living as a student in USA is an entirely different game than living in India. There is no guarantee that if your new housemates in USA grad school would have the same personalities as what you have experienced before in India. Plus, there won’t be any maids or domestic help to keep common areas clean or to do your chores or public transport to drive you around. Your housemates and you, everybody will be under tremendous academic and financial pressure, so nobody wants to do any work at home, people would rather work in food courts to earn money than cleaning their own mess in their own kitchen.

    2. Girls use boys too….
    I have seen many romantic relationships develop, where females deliberately lead on males to believe that there was some hope, and got their assignments done, got their dogs walked, plants watered, food court prime time shifts exchanged, interview prep done, resumes circulated in job applications, grocery shopping done, and god knows how long the list would go. These guys would get dumped once their purpose was served. You’ve already covered what guys do, so I am leaving that part.

    3. All relationships are tactical (need based) :
    Wether its male or female, everyone is trying to survive, the best relationships are when both allies have something to offer. I have seen many teams getting formed in food court working groups where students of both genders share work as well as assignments and support each other. They act quite professionally, have their skin in the game, and keep personal feelings at bay.

    4. Yes, a lot of Indian people do have chauvinistic mindset, but everyone is not like that.
    Chances are that if you have a chauvinistic mindset yourself you might end up attracting such people in your life (law of attraction) . Be the change yourself that you want to see in others.

    5. Both men and women are the same everywhere in every nationality
    No exceptions, there are good and bad, progressive and old-school people everywhere in every country. I have met chauvinistic, predatory people everywhere, you just get better at identifying them with more experience. They are lurking everywhere.

    6. To all those people who commented that she could have asked for help from a female too, I am disappointed to say this, but in my limited experience, females are not able to support other females as much as males do. Even in their 30s a lot of Indian women never learn to drive and depend on their husbands for that, sometimes they are just afraid themselves, but mostly they never got a supportive environment to learn. A lot of Indian women who earn, don’t have the independence to take financial decisions, leave alone helping friends, they can’t even send money to their own parents. Even their time is heavily budgeted in favor of taking care of kids and other family members while Indian men seem to have more spare time for helping out other friends outside the family. Its an uphill battle, but something Indian women can improve on.

  3. The author is wrong because she is from a conservative family and never dealt with people of opposite sex in India. She had the choice of staying away from men if she didn’t like their behavior. Having been raised in India I am surprised that she doesn’t understand Indian men. I am very surprised that she comes to the US and complains about Indian men. This concludes that the author didn’t know how to deal with Indian male culture. To say that American men are much better in their thinking and not indian men is like comparing Apples to Oranges.

  4. There are some things I’d like to point out in this “Indian Male students are Egoistic” article and the comments:

    1) When you say “Indian”, remember, you are referring to a population of 1.2 billion. Thats nearly 4 times the number of people in US.

    2) One of the other comments (by Archana) on this article seems to mention the opinion of German women towards Indian men. This is exactly the kind of mismatch in data I am referring to. Notice that she is not saying “European” women, but is specifically referring to “German”.

    Heck, in Archana’s comment, extrapolating her opinion about German women to all European women, would make her statement more accurate than extrapolating an opinion based on a few Indian men to all males from India. (because EU population is a just a little more than half of India’s population)

    Now that I have made it obvious about what kind of rationality I apply in such situations, let me reply to the actual post:

    In US, there is no concept of Arranged Marriage (it does in some very rare cases), and hence, people ask openly if the other person is up for dating.

    In India also, many many people (yes, it may come as a shocker, both guys and girls) follow the same process in colleges, date, breakup, date another one again, if all ends well(families agree, guy is “settled”), end up marrying the one they were dating for some time.

    Its only those from highly conservative families or those with certain surnames who don’t dare get (or think of getting) into the dating scene.

    Instead of calling Indian male students egoistic, its probably justified to ask the author to respect the conservative background she is from, and consider the fact that she is a rare case of conservative kid out in the big bad world.

    In common slang, here’s what I summarize this article as:
    “Author didn’t find any guy who was willing to be *friend zoned*, while seeking help. Hence the negative opinion”.

    Suggestion: If the author starts thinking from a rational perspective of numbers (of population) instead of generalizing/sterotyping, probably it’ll open her up to Indian guys who are just as conservative as she is and may help her out when she is in need.

    Also in US, there’s nothing that a female friend won’t be able to help her out with, that a male can.

    So, please, do others, and more importantly yourself a favor, and stop seeing people (of your country and others) from the racist angle.

    Fact: There are good people and bad people on this planet.

    Trying to give it a race/religion/caste/language/nationality angle is just an excuse to not accept this universal truth.

    Open up and think rational. Good luck.

    1. Kudos to your insights. Infact, I started to think about an article along the same lines.

      One’s exposure comes down the experience a guy/girl had interactions with opposite sexes without considering that traditional chit-chat means love (or relationship).

  5. Some Indians behave like this in any and all countries. When in Germany, I found that German girls shun friendship with African guys and now Indian guys too. The reason being some Indian men look at all foreign girls in a wrong way. Also that they cant have a normal conversation with these men without enduring their flirting nature. I heard it from one master student, to whom some married men on deputation in Germany had asked for ‘rates’ there. Cultural shock can lead to 2 kinds of people- positive and negative. Irrespective of whether it’s a boy or girl, where they are from (city or village), they have been independent before or not, there is this basic character inside everyone- which decides which way you head. I know girls who do living together without their parents knowledge and guys who are morally gentlemen. Its not a gender issue. Its a cultural issue. I am happy for you din’t get carried away by all this and stood up against it. But after all this, you become a strong, better individual and that’s all matters at the end of the day. All the best for your future !!

  6. Some Indians behave like this in any and all countries. When in Germany, I found that German girls shun friendship with African guys and now Indian guys too. The reason being some Indian men look at all foreign girls in a wrong way. Also that they cant have a normal conversation with these men without enduring their flirting nature. I heard it from one master student, to whom some married men on deputation in Germany had asked for ‘rates’ there. Cultural shock can lead to 2 kinds of people- positive and negative. Irrespective of whether it’s a boy or girl, where they are from (city or village), they have been independent before or not, there is this basic character inside everyone- which decides which way you head. I know girls who do living together without their parents knowledge and guys who are morally gentlemen. Its not a gender issue. Its a cultural issue. I am happy for you din’t get carried away by all this and stood up against it. But after all this, you become a strong, better individual and that’s all matters at the end of the day. All the best for your future !!

  7. After reading the blog and comments, the male users seem to have taken the blog as an offense. There is no harm in speaking about how they feel (And there is no harm in commenting on them in a way that is useful).

    First of all, the poster seems to have trouble dealing with the “real-world” as she admitted that this is her first time out of her parents cradle. Secondly, I think she is going to take longer to adjust to the open culture practiced in US as compared to India. Guys ask out girls in US very regularly. My ladies friends get asked out almost every month, despite the fact that they are already in stable relationship She just needs to take it easy and learn to say ‘NO’ to the guys she doesn’t want to date.

    Secondly, she might also have undergone the incidents of harassment (such as incessant text/call/facebook messages/ unwanted talking etc.), In that case, she needs to let the person know that it is making her feel uncomfortable and she doesn’t want it. If that doesn’t solve problem, she can go and see authorities such as university officials or police etc.

    The situation might be due to her troubles adjusting to a place away from home in an alien culture, or might be due to the actual harassment caused by the boys she has come across or a combination of both. In either case, someone needs to communicate to her that the problem is solvable (in fact, easily solvable). She just needs to find out and act on it. Good luck to her

    1. When someone is coming to USA and if they have been protected by their parents ( or over protected) and stayed at home without hostel experience are expected to go through this phase in their life. Especially, if person came to USA, there;s lot more cultural shock that one has to deal with.

      We can comment only based on what’s written, not by assumptions.

      I expected this kind of response. Guys not agree with her and gals supporting or taking middle ground.

      Plus, folks who have lived in USA, can tend to relate to what she;s talking than folks who are outside U.S.A.

  8. Well, the author herself has admitted that she was living under the care and protection of her parents all these years. Obviously, it will take her more time to adjust to the place or to place it more specifically, “stay-away-from-home” life. This is common and normal if its the first time your staying away from your loved ones. You gotta make your own decisions, choose your friends more carefully, because you won’t have your parents or pals beside you to warn you or to protect you. So mistakes do happen. I suggest the author to take this as an opportunity to find herself and be strong instead of feeling doomed. All the best!!

  9. Sorry i accidentally posted my previous comment before even starting it. anyway, the reason i agree with her is coz what she said is quite true. Most indian men here in US are kindda like that (not quite sure about that blackmailing thing though). Isnt every guy in whatever the culture he is from, doesnt he think about the girl he’s talking to has a chance for a potential relationship, maybe or maybe not. But coming from a Indian Culture after watching all those bollywood movies and every other movies talking about romance, love and relationships. I’m pretty sure that almost every indian guy talking to or trying to help a girl thinks about it atleast once. I’m not surprised. its their mindset, highly influenced by the Indian entertainment industry.

    Also this a really free country, no one cares what you do except for your little indian community, who will judge you for anything and everything. sometimes even influence you in making some wrong decisions. The Indian guys who might also be coming from the same conservative background finds this independent life quite an opportunity to do anything and everything which was not quite easy to do back at home.

    My point is, all the complaints you just said about the Indian guys is not totally their fault its their indian culture they came from. and you should know that too as you too are from the same.

    you came here with a dream and its your job to take it more serious, than getting distracted with boys and anyother things. Ofcourse i understand friends are a must when you are new to this country but its also your call to choose who’s suppose to be your friend.

    These are not really a big “issues” coz everyone who came here who fought for their dreams and who reached it, has gone thru all these stages.

    Suit up, you got other important things to worry, work or think about.

  10. The author seems lost and passes easy judgement calling Indian males egiostic and narrow minded. She herself displayed narrow mindedness when she assumes that liking (or thinking she is into you) is narrow mindedness. There is nothing wrong with liking a girl and finding her attractive. Point is to communicate that to her and if she isnt interested,one should move on.
    There are good guys and there are bad guys. Maybe you should have learnt that more if you would have travelled your own country a little. Passing sweeping judgement about (one’s own race) all Indian males, and crying foul about Indians being indifferent to each other borders on hypocrisy. Just remeber that generalization includes your father and brothers too. If Americans make you feel at home, then be it. But dont make an article out some petty financial issue that you had with your Indian male friends and generalize all Indian males. I hope your life becomes a smooth sail from here on.

  11. From the brief skimming I think you are over acting..Life gets tougher and you need someone to blame and you pick on innocent and some guys..Come on whole barrel can’t be thrown out just coz of few rotten one..
    Also You girls should stop using us boys for your troubles and dispose us like a used tissue..We guys follow the motto like In for friendship,in for help but you girls In for friendship,in for labour..Mind you nobody is perfect,if you have problem with everybody,maybe your are troubled..say allegedly we are Egoistic and Self-centered then we can give you a list and tags mile long and sky high..
    Stop using everybody for your benefits and start actually caring..

    Pretending to be caring and actually caring makes a difference..
    You guys come and talk with us,You guys spill out everything and expect us be like tissue but we cannot..Moreover you have a problem deal with it..You need help ask it but just don’t judge us for not caring..Smile at a boy,you are flirting,go talk with him you have a best friend…

    And the word Succumb,really,you gals should stop reading love and romantic related novels and real word lies somewhere..

    Mental stress,Pain and Tension is a part of package..If some guys really bothered you warn him first,if he didn’t budge be stern and make another last warning(if you like second warning),if he still troubles just file a complaint and say it was necessary..As for rumors,they are rumors,Indians in U.S.A actually never care what you did or what happened,like you guys,they too pretend..

    An for the girl who met some new american friends,remember this “Shoulder to cry on,will later be your emotion they use against you”..

    I am not saying we guys are stellar,but neither are you..Be friends and chill..Always never have more friends than you can never remember their names..

    You wanted new things,it comes with troubles and territorial dangers..Tread carefully…

  12. It seems boys are creating situation like big boss or splitvilla. Good keep it up and keep spoiling Indian communities.

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