I'm Fascinated About Living in USA, but What About My Parents?

Raghuram Sukumar Lifestyle 55 Comments

Experience /Question from Pranav.

I am writing this post to bring this to your notice, HSB – what about parents???

This post is for the students who think they should be settled in USA, for parents who worry that their children won’t return back to India, INFACT THIS POST IS FOR ALL !!!

Many of the people think about the things i discussed below, but it has not been paid much attention at all !!!

Everyone is fascinated about Spending Life in USA. Even myself !!! 😛
So, every kid wants to study MS or Phd and complete as early as possible. They want to settle in USA with a US job paying them with a minimum pay check of 4000 USD (As a fresher) !!! Its a very good ambition actually !!!

Every parent wants their kid to grow up in life, wants them to be settled in a better position. They want their children to be working in the top companies etc., etc.,

Going to USA from different countries for education is good. Getting a job there and settling is the ultimate dream for everyone. Even parents want it to be done for the sake of their children’s future.

But how far is it acceptable to leave the parents in India and settle themselves selfishly??? Parents do not expect that their children should be with them when they are middle-aged. But when they grow older, they feel that their children should be with them. They want to spend their last days with peace in the presence of their children and grand children.

From the childhood, parents teach how to make walk, how to talk, pay fees for studies starting from kinder garden till masters degree. Their love towards their children cannot be comparable to anything.

This is not an emotional post.
There are ways to live a life with parents as well as highly paying job.

1. Students can complete their masters / doctors in USA. They can work and gain experience in US companies for 5-8 years. Mean while they can start searching the options in their countries like India for a job in top companies. They can return back when they get a job paying them 3 – 4 lakhs per month. (If anyone are studying with loan, they have to work in USA for 3 – 4 years to repay the loan.)

Here is a problem !!! After 5 – 6 years, people may think they will get paid less in India than USA so they may not prefer it all. Also, after staying more than 5 years in USA, people may not think of getting back due to the comfortable life spent @ USA.

2. There is one more option. People who think they want to balance their life (with parents and US Job) can work for companies like Google, IBM, Accenture, Nestle (food company) etc., They can work for 8-10 years in US. They can return back to India after 10 years and work for US projects as per US time in India. They are paid according to the US salaries.

Getting into these companies is not easy. It requires hard work as well as smart work.

But it is not impossible. If one tries from the beginning there are chances to get it. Also, I don’t want to disappoint you people by saying this but to tell the truth, ALL students cannot get into these companies as the posts required will be limited.

Even chances of getting shifted to India after 10 -12 years are very rare. But can’t people try when they can make their parents feel happy?

I shared this to make everyone think about the different ways one can balance personal and business relations in their future. I have suggested 2 ways which may not be applicable for all. But there are many other ways one can decide in one’s life. Think and act accordingly.

Question to HSB :-

I want to know one thing as i an unaware of the US rules. If one can get Green card status in USA, can their parents stay along with them forever???

Visa for Parents

Parents would have to get Visitors Visa B2 to come to USA. Typically US Consulate will give 10 years Multiple entry visa.

In mean time, after getting Green Card, you can sponsor Green Card for them. It takes time to get Green Card, but that’s possible.

Moving Back to India

Moving back to your country (or India) depends on your choice and life situations. Old age comes and that will become reality for everyone.

If  you move back, people say that it will approximately take 1 month for every year you have spent in USA to get used to living in India.

If you spent 10 years in USA, it will take atleast 10 months to get used to living back in India.

I have seen folks who come back to USA after moving back to India and friends who moved back to India due to Green Card Wait times or family issues.

Comments

  1. Hi Guys, Life in USA is comfortable , you get lot of independence and good work-life balance but I have seen many Indians staying here for money though at heart they want to be back in India, especially house wife.

    after all its different culture all abt, life is not just driving big cars, big house and good pay, and very less social life. We Indian are used to social life, always surrounded by people.

  2. Why others should take care of your elderly parents? Why not you?
    working in USA, no excuses………………………………..

  3. I wish the solution were as easy as the author of this blog suggests. I came to the US to work for max 2 yrs and then go back. Didn’t bother applying for my GC..coz frankly I was never fascinated by the US or about settling down abroad. Just wanted to experience independance before getting married. Well, turns out I ended up living in the US longer than planned. Made a lot if friends, had a great time. My parents visited every year. Met my husband and all was well, until one day I noticed my parents getting older when they visited me that year. They do not want to live in the US. They only want to visit. But I want to be closer to them, to be there to take care of them. I want to move back to India now. But my husband won’t go back to India since his parents and siblings are all settled in the US. So the next option is to try and bring my parents to US on a green card since I am a US citizen. My parents are not very social, in the sense they don’t care for potlucks or attending events or gatherings. Both are retired from high ranking jobs in India and are currently doing some advisory work there. They need that mental stimulation. So getting them similar things to do in US is challenging. Any suggestions on how to make that happen ? Additional info on me..I am an only child, work full time and have a son who goes to kindergarten. Thanks in advance for suggestions.

    1. Sorry to say but I don’t think you can go back. Try to get your parents here.

  4. tough choice for me. please help.
    I am 35 worked as a manager in subsidiary of a US telecom major in India. Now I am in US working for the same company for 1 year assignment on h1b. My assignment ends in 6 months. I can expect a salary of around 25 lakhs when i return and no changes in designation. The pros i see of going back 1) stable job prospects 2) known company and people 3) own house (no rents etc) 4) kids can spend time with grand parents. The cons i see in going back 1) Traffic problems since i live in other part 2) kids will miss grand parents care 3) savings is little more in US 4) Uncertainty of job, visas, GC etc. At 35 am I too late to make the move?

  5. Getting Back to India neeeds Guts. Stop talking bullshit like adjusting and salaries,Green card,citizenship. You got to have that factor in you to go back.. You must have lived there for atleast 2 decades of your life … Now that you have seen all this you act like a tom,dick and harry? Mardh bhan .. Be a man.

  6. These are tough decisions. You have to consider things from your parent’s perspective and from your own. Is it a high reality that you can get as good of a job in India after working in the US for a few years? If not, then try and get your parents here to the US (even though it will take a lot of work).

    If it is a high reality of getting as good of a job in India as in the US, then will you really like it there? If the adjustment is 1 month for every year that you spent in the US, then that really isn’t a LOT of time. It is doable and might be an easier option for you and your parents!

  7. Hi,

    One small correction in the original posting. Green card holders per se cannot sponsor their parents. Pl check up the rules for EB visas. Only when they become citizens- 5 years after gettting the green card- they can sponsor the parents. This is a very peculiar rule in Green Card processing.

    Murthy

  8. pranav, just one curious question! Are you applying to any US universities at all?

    1. Yes !!! I am gathering all the possible ways. Based on the situations i will mould my future taking proper decisions !!! 😀

  9. In life you need to take hard decisions and that is what life is all about.I have seen guys who don’t pay any respect and attention to their parents especially in their old ages. So they won’t bother for this “home away” scenario. And the rest of others will definitely find a way for this issue as some wise men has said “where there is a will, there is a way”.

        1. No. It is choice between taking care of parents when they need most vs. sacrificing your comfortable live in USA. But it is the choice you make and should be content with the choice.

  10. If I remember correct, then few days back there was a post related to number of pending cases for green card applicants under different categories. I think the numbers are huge.

    Ayan

      1. even EB-2 is dicey. In april the approval date was may 2010 and in may approval date went back to august 2007. retrogression. EB-3 date is September 2002 current.

  11. live with your own people , live in india , love your own country. stay with your parents . your word ‘fascinating life’ will go to bin when u will realise the racism and all hard work there, it takes long to well settled there untill u dont have a ‘jeck’ . earn money in india , go to usa as a tourist and enjoy ur life. u will realise my words sooner or later

        1. dude, I can make a million videos about racism in India (in the form of Caste-ism and Regionalism).

          And like those Tea Partiers and KKK type cults shown in the video, India has enough of such mindless people. If you want to be the frog living in the Well, listening to horror stories from other Wells, please do. But I suggest giving other Wells a try before you decide your Well is the best.

          There are many people around the world, who have less knowledge of the world, and think India is what is shown in Slum Dog Millionaire. You my friend, are of that type. Open up your eyes and explore the world on your own. One bad experience outside India, or one video about something bad in US, doesn’t mean US is hell.

    1. U rock dude!! Live with ur own ppl, live in ur own country!!
      I think the same way..happiness is not only in terms of fabulous,fascinating life style. People do matter!!

  12. With regards to the first option, what kind of roles would offer 3-4 lakhs per month in India? The numbers seem unrealistic.

    1. ” Easier said then done. Where are the Jobs in India that will give 3 -4 Lakhs per month to persons returning their homes???

      1. It is very rare case. It depends upon how we manage our 5 – 6 years work at USA. How we move to a higher position in intervals of time from fresher till manager or any other position and options then existing in India for specific person, will decide your future.

        Once enquire in Top companies in India like Facebook, Google, IBM, Britannia, Nestle; how much experienced people are getting paid then u vl come to know !!! (Here, the designation decides) 😀

        1. Sorry to burst your balloon but dude there are thousands of ppl who have 5+ exp in US but they will never be able to get 3-4 lakh/mnth salary in India…an american citizen working in some offshore location for his/her american company continues to get his/her home salary and its very common or if u hv joined american company after graduating from Yale or Harvard u can negotiate such term if dey r re-locating you…not every one
          you have to understand few things…their are performers…ppl wid real talents who crack best of the universities like IIT & MIT…dey will hv never go through sleepless night to settle in developed countries with good pay package…they will get in due course in India or Abroad …now der r ppl wid no talents and who come to US just to get a degree for name sake and use all dirty tricks in the book to get settle down their…these ppl r like rats who have no locus standi in their life…and plz forget dat working in US has got any advantage…u r paid in a country per her economy dats all…ur future salary will always be decided upon what skill set u bring irrespective of country u r working…

          1. Good comments. i never hear of anyone with 5 to 6 years experience form USA getting paid 3 to 4 lakhs per month.

          2. Only few, that too in Facebook, Google. But u can finger count them !!!

    2. The amount you earn does not have to match US standards. As long you’re living the same kind of life here in India, it does not matter!
      If you earn $4000 in US, you’ll have to spent it in dollars only, so coming to India, you might earn less, buy your spending will reduce considerably. So it won’t make much difference.

      It’s all about where you wanna live, all other things are excuses.

  13. B2 , one can stay 6 months per year? After staying 6 months one can get another b2 next year easily, if possible

  14. Ditto. I think I can attribute a couple of sleepless nights to this dilemma alone, and the funny thing is I haven’t even left India yet.

  15. I have typed my above comment in hurry and so there are so many typos/word miss so I am sorry for that.

  16. Hey thanks for sharing your views
    BUT
    Do you really think all of those going to US are doing so for mere Money. I know that after 5-8 u will be paid 3-4 Lacs per month in India. But my personal reason to Choose US over India is not money but the real reason is I am treated as HUMAN BEING and not any number (I would use ‘dog on the road ‘here). Who wants to live in a country where when u go out the home, you know if you met with an accident on the road – no one come to your aid, you will bleed to death on road and all people will do is surround you and see you die but no one will take you to hospital as they don’t want any police intervention in their life ? Who wants to live in a country where you are just a number on the road and no security for your loved ones ?? Think of the accident scenario happening with your loved ones. Who wants to work in a country where you have to work on a project in the industry in which you have no interest, your interest in particular field is not entertained; for the same job you have there are thousands and thousands of person in line who are actually willing to work at a lower pay ?? Why would the company bother about you ? Here people don’t wake up in the morning and go for job but they are exploited to hell. In the end you say you are not able to stay with your family members, how many of us while working in IT company actually gets time to actually do so?? We work 10-12 hrs/day(bit optimistic here) and when we come home all we do is eat/sleep for the rest hour s. Would you not like to be working in a country where you can come home at 5 pm each day ?? Take your family to club, movies or for some dinner/entertainment, give time to your spouse and your children, attend PTA and able to enjoy your life with your family. Isn’t that what every one wants in the end ?? In India if you are working, forget about the family, we don’t even have time for ourself – we won’t have time to even ponder where our life is going and all we will remember is we have worked some X years. When you become old not will be on your death bed, most of the working class people will think that if only We had given more time to Family ? NO one thinks if only I had worked 1 more hour on that project. Do you want to live in a country where any goonda/person comes and slap you and you won’t even go to the police from the fear what they will ask/do and what if the goonda/person comes to know ?? Leave all this – do you want to live country where all people talk about is Cricket and Movies, for they have no other topic ? You should know only around 15 countries play cricket and Movies are shit here with no story( Same old love story stuff from 50s). If you want your sons/daughters to grow up in this kind of society – you are very welcome. Nobody wants to live in a country where you are not treated as HUMAN BEING but a resource which is to be utilized to the max – In the office (exploitation of your mind for cheap pay), taxes and corruption (Govt. taking your money – but you don’t see what difference your payment of tax is making in the country), pay bribe to get a simple thing as Passport which in realty is your RIGHT. You can easily see your Right being thrown in the gutter and all you can do is watch. People exploit each other for they know there are no rules and laws that will stop them. No body can sue you for the wrong you have done. If you really want to want to Live in this country – there are only 2 professions – Civil Servants (You have some respect here – though not sure what future you kid have one you retire) and Politics (Only these people are safe).

    In the end what I wanted to say that MONEY IS NOT even 5 % of the main reason. I would really love to be in a country where you know that some one will come to look after you when you dial 911 irrespective of your social status – whether you are shit-cleaner or President. This was my personal opinion, I know most will try to show patriotism here but deep down in their heart they also feel this way. MONEY IS NOT IN THE PICTURE.

    1. I agree with 99% of the things that you said. I just want to ask you what are your views on racism faced by Indians. From what I know the number of racial attacks are on the rise and I would really like to know whether you would like to live in a country where people judge you because of your colour.

      1. Even if you were to be in India, its not like you an get Software Job in your city and stay with your parents. If you want to be with them then US is not the place for you or even a job outside your city.

    2. Oh yes!
      Americans love Indians, right?
      You’re saying this because you have never been outside the country, and have never ever faced any real problems in life. That’s why these trivial issues bother you so much.
      Watch the news, see what the Americans are talking about Indians! Nobody likes people coming to their country and taking all of their jobs. Even Obama asked companies not to hire CHINDIANS(chinese and Indians).
      How can you talk like this about a country that has given you so much!?
      Goes to show how less informed and ignorant you are. You have no idea how difficult life can be in a different country! Don’t get your ‘gyaan’ from TV. Wake up and face the reality. You illusion of grandeur in the US is a sham!

  17. Hello,
    I was wondering about the option of starting one’s own business in the field of one’s study after working in US for 10 years. Is this option practical and realistic? Personally I would like to do that. What are your thoughts about this?

      1. Sorry, my mistake….I meant to say that work for 10 years in US, earn money and experience and come back to India to start your own business. I doubt though whether people settled in US for 10 years will be willing to come back to India.

  18. @HSB

    And what about the duration of our stay in USA on B2 visa ? How long can one stay at a stretch ?

      1. But 6 months is half in every year right? Very less time . . .

        Its ok !!! But tell me how many times can they visit ??? (Just wanna know 😛 )

        1. 10 years visa. Stay for 6 months, then go back to India and come back after few months.

  19. Thanks HSB for this post. This had been worrying me for some time :-/.

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