I’m Fine Here, But Feeling Trapped in the USA. How About You?
I have been in USA for past 2+ years. Life is very comfortable. No everyday hassles, good standard of living. Of course not comparable to India.
That’s how a reader who shared his experience about living in the USA started his post. You will get to see, and vividly experience the life as they are witnessing it here in this article.
Do only material comforts make you happy?
Pleasure and comfort are misunderstood as Happiness.
I am fine here, but not happy.
One is really happy by following his/her dreams. Do what they love to pursue. Settling in the USA can’t be the aim of life. Three things are necessary to be happy..
- C= Competence (Yes, I have done it.)
- A= Autonomy (Yes, I have done it without anyone’s help)
- R= Relatedness (My near and dear ones are around me & supporting)
Just the Money and comfort (in the USA) can’t make you happy.
It’s high time to return back than to trapped here for the rest of your life.
Since kids are the basic reason people can’t go back. I would suggest that return to India, spend some time with parents, share the experiences of elders, trust me, it will make you happy.
Life in the USA is “cut and dried” type.
Even Indians do not meet each other as in India. Social interactions are limited to Facebook (photo sharing) and a get together in 2 Months.
24×7 husband and wife are literally alone and it’s no more privacy, but loneliness.
Going to the same Walmart, going to same Indian grocers, meeting same 3 families, for the rest of your life.
You can spend the rest of your life comfortably in this pattern. But this is what life is not all about.
Life is not about experiences. Get the experience of the USA, no doubt about it, but get the exposure and play big with your life.
Many of my friends have dreams of being an entrepreneur (including my spouse). But they are too afraid to move out of their comfort zones. They fear taking risks and leaving the comfort.
Yes, you came to the USA, achieved enough for your need and luxury.
Is that the aim of your life?
Trust me, this can’t be. Try to introspect what you really want to do.
What is the aim of your life? Is it spending days, weeks, years in one same way for the next 40 years of your life can’t be your purpose of life. Consider following two scenarios:
Scenario 1:
A person got into IIT in first attempt. Came to the U.S. for MS (age 23 yrs) and then H1B, green card and citizenship.
Worked with the same company, got married, had children, India trips have pretty much stopped as they old.
Scenario 2:
Another person 2, got into IIT, campus placement into the PSU, then realized Civil services are being my cup of tea. Then cracked the exam two times.
In the meantime got married, stayed in USA for 3 yrs and went back and worked as a bureaucrat and in future may resign the job, and start something of own. The opportunities are endless.
So, whose life is rich in experiences?
Of course person 2.
I would not like to live the life of the first person. Some people die at 23 and buried at 80. Rather, I would like to be dead until I die.
Don’t play too be safe with your life. Don’t regret when time is out of your hands. Do everything, life is too short to play safe.
“On your deathbed, you will not regret the things you have done, but those you did not”
“A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are for..”
Find your passion and go for it.
Living in the USA is a given you exposure and can be a tool to achieve your purpose of life.
Only a few lucky ones are fortunate enough to get this and most people out of these misunderstand this as the end of life.
Don’t stop and trapped in this country or you will regret the rest of your life 5 years or 15 years in the USA.
F1 Visa to H1B to Green Card to Citizenship. It’s all the same. There is no better time to move back, best time is now. Go ahead with your decision. Dream big. Achieve Big. Good luck.
This article was in fact a comment written by a reader at Don’t Come to USA, If You Are Highly Educated and Successful in Your Life
If you are searching for your answers in Internet Articles/Blog Posts means you are having a “Paralysis of Analysis”.
1. Check why you are searching “How going to USA is a bad idea”
2. You are those one who want India like privilege’s (Friends/family/Festival/Cheap Medical care/Domestic Health) but want to earn in USD and enjoy USA infrastructure so that you can post those pictures in Instagram and show off to your friends that you have achieved something different than them.
Stop right there you are not fit for a country which promotes diversity/equality/privacy
We Indians are Jealous/comparative by heart and we always want someone else’s appreciation/approval for things, Then only we believe its good. We love our friends/family untill they are doing at equal level in life the moment they start achieving more than you, you will start hating and will find a way to bring them down. Its very harsh but truth.
Nicely written and so true in my experience. I’m assuming the writer lived in US for a short time. It took me 17 years to realize what you realized in just couple years. What a big fool I must be?? But, when I did realize, I threw away my Green Card and left for India. The best decision I ever made. The most horrible days used to be when I used to go back to US from India Trips. I used to ask myself what the hell I’m doing here? Why I’m here? Anyways, my parents are still alive and I spend a lot of time with them and my brother. No loneliness, no emptiness, don’t feel like an outsider. This is my country. I’m not an alien OR an immigrant OR a person of color here. I’m happy. Just wish I was a lot wiser when a youth and not an idiot. Damn those Hollywood movies :).
I have seen people realize this around 40 years of age, can you share your demographics like, kids and wife opinion when you took the decision. How many years it has been since you went India? I relocated family a few months back , hopefully it will work out for us . Did your parents ever ask you to come back? I usually don’t ask questions like these but I want to know them as i can guide myself and others. Thanks for your time
I came here 27 years ago. I am a physician happily married. Have a kid.
What is lacking in the US for Indians is the culture and spirituality. Not sure if will be passed through from one generation to another.
We can here we were very young for career and did not think of those !
You can have all, comforts, money , house, car but not the temples, spiritual life you want like in your own country and what about our future generations?-they will be surely more westernized than us.
Is it all worth in the very end for me ? for you ? for all of us ?
you are still ok but i been here from 32 years ( parents left USA long ago) and me and my family visit India every year. Now at age 40 i feel so lonely even though have great husband and kids . I am so empty inside that feel like just peck and leave but more you stay here more you stuck here . Now family and house and kids born here it is not possible to go .
more years you stay here more empty you will be . At this age I feel like scream that what is this .Between all this material happiness i have no true group of friends and no place where i can dress up and have fun.
I feel the same in 3months.
I miss my country,my individuality and I miss myself most.
I think this is a very narrow minded view based on someone’s personal experience and the people agreeing to this are agreeing because of their personal experiences. More than anything I think it is a negative way to view your life. No one is forcing you to live in the US or asking you to be isolated. In your spirit you should be strong and know that life is as you make it and if your intention is strong enough, you will make the most of wherever you live. I have been born and brought up in India and have been living in the US since 4 years. In my experience things have only gotten better with time. But I also see that it is because I made initiatives to make that happen. I do also work in an IT job here as I did before in India. But I capitalize on the opportunity that every region presents. I am in a more white-populated state currently. It is definitely difficult to connect to someone with a different upbringing than yours compared to someone who is similar. But I think it is the most enriching experience to connect to someone different than to connect to someone who is similar. Coming here has enhanced my perspectives of people and of the world ten fold. As a woman I feel safer on the streets at 3 am, partying with a mix group of friends whereas in India i didnt even consider being safe at that hour to be a possibility. (OF course it depends on which place you’re talking about) In general US has proven to be very safe for me in terms of being a solo hiker/ traveler as well. And this is not about the so called material comforts. This has to do with the desires one has as an adventurer. It is easy to make a silly argument based on divisions of human desires such as ‘social connections’ and ‘material connections’. There’s many more things in life that can open you up to different kinds of happiness beyond those to categories. Such as feeling safe. Such as having adventure. Such as growing your mind everyday just by meeting your next door neighbour who is totally different than you. It is YOUR PERSONAL CHOICE that you do not go out and seek these things. I learnt driving, skiing, camping, hiking, cooking, heck I am going to include even clubbing, talking to absolute strangers after coming to US. Things I never planned to do when I moved from India. I met various people (not Indians all of them) and learnt from them a world which I didn’t know exists. I had no idea growing up in India that it is actually possible to own a tent and light a fire and be out their alone in the woods and feel absolute peace with nature without worrying about getting molested. I am not trying to paint india in a bad light but I am just saying these stupid arguments about America toally being about materialistic pleasures and India totally being about people just stem from deep biases and love for the comfortable and familiar. Globalization works when people merge cultures and evolve into new cultures which take the best of all worlds. The USA you see today will be very different 50 years later. The India you see today will evolve as well. Do you want to encourage people to live, love and die in their comfort zone or push themselves and explore life? And I know you’re bringing the Visa situation which sucks I agree, but I dont agree with everything else said its just very regressive.
Why don’t you start a initiative to make India’s cities also safe like that or some startup by which Indians can also get a good standard of living or education something like that.
So that , atleast anyone had not to leave his country in order to get a good living or else.
You are in IT industry , you can definitely start something like this or can replicate a good idea from there in India which can help in getting safe nightouts for girls in India also.
BTW,
India is very changed now , currently I am living in Delhi and it’s safer than the past (5 year before) Delhi.
When we go for nightouts from our college our friends never felt unsafe whether boys or girls.
Please don’t take something in wrong way ,I just replied what i felt.
And ,it’s a very big opportunity that you grabbed an International package.
Sorry, if i said something wrong unconsciously.
Thanks for the post it gave a view from different perspective.
🤟🤟😊
I m in the same boat
studied hard to become a pharmacist here, n now doing the same work, dealing with the same old white shittt people everyday
I wish, I would have never left india 8 years back
It all depends on your perception. America is a wonderful country and lot of opportunities to establish yourself. However H1b is such a bad visa that our hands are tied and we cant really have that freedom of choosing your career if you don’t like yours. People are simply afraid of taking that risk of loosing the comfort of life and returning to your home country where there are lot of options nowadays. If you have children of high school or above, you are really in a fix – they have been living as Americans while you are not.
I am the one who made the bold move. I am a free bird now. Only intuitive, psychic, intro and creative people can feel the pain long before doom strikes. It’s not for the people who are arguing with their limited vision of logic – ya you all very talented people at MS and Google inlcuded. There is no ‘whoever sees it is his way thing’. If you are an Indian you are going to face the fatality sooner, later, or much later in life but it is for sure – all of you who are now very much enjoying at your current stages in life development.
I am in the same boat. I feel this is the best time to go back but again fear of losing the stable life here. Yes it’s true in U.S. you can get all the comfort. The most I miss is being with real friend’s hanging out with them. I feel jealous when my best friend’s in India meet enjoy decent time with each other. Go to movies. Here I am stuck with myself, my iPhone, my MacBook, my ps4. Still can’t give me happiness I feel life is empty. Coming to U.S. I felt the difference between what human love and material love is.
Hi Naina,
let your husband know about the pain and feel, Which you are going through,
I feel trapped here. I wish I would not have got married to this H1b guy. Life is hell being on h4. I have awesome job in India. Good friends. Good life. Came here.. I sit at home all day and do cooking. Life sucks.
Probably you are still young . As you will get old you will find this country sooo boring that you will cry . Best to run away if you can when you are still young . Kids take long time to settle so parents are more trapped and friend’s have same problem so it will be crazy lonely and boring .
Hi there am in same boat!
Why do you say so? What’s preventing you from making the bold move?
I am born and brought up India. I did my studies in USA. Studies was just a medium for me to have as much exposure of real world. I worked in subway, pizza hut, panda express, motel, university campus etc. I enjoyed every bit of it. I got F grade in one of the subject. Paid my own tuitions while doing jobs. Once graduated, came back to India. Travelled more than 8 countries since last 8 years. Life is so exciting.
Hi, Naina I feel the same way. What part of US you’re in? I’m not Indian but came from the country with similar culture to Indian.
Sometimes I used to regret of my decision to come to live in US, but used to think that I will g t used to living here because I had kids and thought my kids would have a better future here.
However, after seeing that the culture here is so reserved I dont want my kids to grow that way. I don’t want them to move away from me and not be too close to me like other American kids do.
Therefore,now I’m considering moving to another European country to be close to my home country so I can travel home more frequently. The airplane ticket costs triple the price from America vs from Europe to get to my home country. I have traveled to Sweden and known Italian and Spaniard friends. I consider myself making friends easier with them rather than with Americans for so many reasons. Americans pretend to get close and yet you can’t call them up when you’re down and need help it needs to be in their terms or you look needy. Also Americans seem to get competitive or I’m better attitude and not so genuine which hurts my feelings. I’m more open minded and like to get close to people.
It is just my opinion. If I were you, then I would try to look and find friends from Asian backgrounds or Spanish, Italian, or middle eastern backgrounds. Finding people to talk to could be a challenge here. So, if you find some friends maybe things will get better for you in terms of not feeling lonely.
Best of luck
Tina
We all received the greatest opportunity of our lifetime to study, work or live in USA. I’ve been here for a while and i’m on F-1 visa category. Life is hard and it will be in the future too. I’ve been trying to get work for me ever since i got here but i’m getting refusals from everywhere. Still i’m proudly standing here and i have no clue what to do but i believe in a hope that one day i’ll get what need and deserve. one thing i have learned so far is “We Asians can find solution to any freaking problem and even if we are broke we are always there to help other and we never loose HOPE”. I hope that everything goes well with everyone who is struggling here. God will bless all of you but he should start from me first.. 😛
You found work ? What is your major ? F1 for BS of MS or Ph.D!
I m in US for 15 years and still in the same boat as everyone too. My heart is back in India.
Lousy thing is they keep saying they want to go home forever and their wife keep getting Pregnant . That is so lousy .. one after one they keep producing kids so they become citizen . Hope Trump do something and stop this crap.
no one is going home .. They just live here and cheap life.
Hi there I am in same boat
i came to u s when i was 24, married to u s citizen when she went to India and was looking for engineer (before internet) 1993, love/arrange marriage, India was poor those days, anyone gone to u s was considered hero, so i was. worked, saved, started business, failed, odd jobs/hard work, started over…now after 24 years of topsy turvy ride i am still living here with very empty feelings, no aim, no life, fake smile i really got screwed in my life, have to live for my kids,……….. suggestions anyone??
You were looking for a easy path to come USA and she was looking for someone who can make good money .
It is really arranged. Very sad . Any marriage with fulfillment of is Buisness.
I am indian born and brought up. I married a US citizen and made the biggest mistake of my life. I want to go back and settle in India it’s not possible. I am all alone in US and really lost and unhappy. What should I do?
You should go back. I’m a Pakistani citizen and I feel alone and empty in the USA as well. I’m considering going back and using my USA citizenship to get money only. Life will never be the same in USA as it is in india. There is no destination in the usa, only journey
I wud say … Y to mix two different things .
Thr are places other than India and america.
Yes people out thr miss India … I don’t know Y.
I don’t even understand why Indians out there want an Indian wife …. N let the kids grow in thr own style …
I wud say money matters … May it be Russia , may it b India …n even if we talk about america … Thr are so many places …. But yes I wud agree with the host … Living n doing same thing all your life is just like one girlfriend all your life .
Or same food everyday.
I do feel if u can’t be american … Or love and kids all you think avout. Or even if u find comparing things like this interesting . US is not for u … If u just wanna play this life game … Hit it .
N who is dat moron .. Punjabi kids in America … Dude by reading wat u wrote we can make out … Wat by fake Indians ppl mean n how thy ruin image in US . I am sure u must b the one in US with Punjabi tummy n ur Humpty Dumpty.
Best said by host s ..
Life is too short ..
I wud add …. World is too big too cover .
Thing big dudes … Its abt money … Not the place …. If u wanna stuck at one …. Make it sure … U dnt compare it then ..
Liv it full .
Hi all,
I don’t agree with the post.But I agree on one point that the children would lose that affinity with their grand parents. I’ve been living in US for 2 years and my experience is very different from Other Indians.
I’m a christian . A couple would pick me up every sunday morning to the church.They took care of me as if I’m their son.They loved me very much and even I do love them a lot.They have been with me during the tough times.They walked with me.Not only this couple,I’ve too many american Friends(whites mostly) who took care of me and speaking to me on regular basis.My parents are very thankful to all these guys.I miss my family.But these guys don’t make me homesick.
Hanging out with Indians is good.But choosing only Indians is not recommendable.We can make friends with Americans too.They are humans after all.International students Incorporated is the company which connects Internationals to american families.Get in touch with them if you want to stay socially outreaching.They do it for free.
If you are not socially outreaching ,you will feel alone.Reach out to people,talk,make friends.that would help.If you feel like Indians are the only people whom you should hang around ,Good luck Bro..
Firstly, this article doesn’t reflect the experience of ALL Indians settled in the USA.
Some Indians move cities or states every 7-10 years because of their jobs. This group cannot form lasting bonds with anyone, except their extended family (wherever it may be) and old gold friends from childhood (wherever they are settled across the globe). Since the probability of the extended family and childhood friends staying in the same city is almost nil, YES, this group will certainly be lonesome in their routine American lives!
Another group of Indians is the very desi-desi type group that will settle down for good in 1 place, but that will limit interaction mainly to the desi crowd. Yawn! How boring. Most of the people in this group are thrilled with their desi lives in America. Whatever! They’ll run down American culture and values but will gloat and boast about their green cards or citizenship.
Another group of Indians is the ultra – religious group (Hindu/Muslim/Christian/etc…never mind the religion). Same behavior and thought-process as the desi-desi group. These idiots would be a royal pain in India also.
The last group comprises of the global Indians. These Indians grew up in wealthy families in India, attended the best schools and colleges, and in fact were familiar with western culture, philosophy, and sophistication long before coming to the US. They moved to the US neither for the money, nor to prove a point…they moved for peace of mind from their families or in laws. This group is the one that realizes that no matter where you are in the world, even family can hurt you more than friends…and that perhaps your family is ultimately the positive people you surround yourself with. This group realizes that loneliness is a part of life, and that positive thinking and action can change their situation.
Readers, in your fist lies your takdeer!
Hi, I am writing a book that would comprise of 51 stories from people who are of Indian or south Asian origin and are in USA. Will you be ready to tell me your story? mail me at 51storiesofus at gmail.com
YOU are making your life boring. Stop meeting only Desis, stop going to only Desi parties, stop trying to teleport your hometown back in US. You went there for the money, if you value your Desi roots more, come back; no one is stopping you. I am going to bet you would be crying to go back within a month. In a nutshell, stop whining and take control of your life.
this is a very very specific view and i disagree with most of it….
i agree with the part about taking risks and living life to the fullest and i also agree completely with the fact that its the things that you didnt do that you regret in life but this is an article by a particular kind of person…. i am of the opposite type…. i view a citizenship or address just as a geographical restriction and am of the view that home is where the heart is…. as the world is shrinking upon itself in trying to become a global village it doesnt matter whether you are in brazil or denver or mumbai, it only matters whether you are still looking to live your life or looking to “settle” in other words find the place where your life should end according to you…. for me life is about always chasing after the next horizon be it in education, work or personal life…. thats how i want to live my life….. 😀 hope there are more people having the same view of life, and even if there arent i dont care as long as i chase the next horizon on my radar….. 😀
+1 Asif like ur thoughts!
Not Fade Away: Against the Myth of American Decline
http://www.brookings.edu/research/opinions/2012/01/17-us-power-kagan
What a beautiful article!
Exactly…You wanna REALLY live in America?
Then, become an American at heart. Take risks, explore opportunities, expand your mind, become an entrepreneur, try a new career…live your life to the fullest.
Otherwise you will just be an Indian with an American address and an American passport. In other words, you will be a lazy European and yawn away for the rest of your life 🙂
Well said Akshay…This is a real inspirational story…!!!
Thanks Abhishek ,Guarang, hari, Sriharsha and all other friends on HSB.
As many have pointed out that my articles are demotivating them from coming to USA. I wanted to clear that I had not posted such thoughts in my post. I suggested professionally educated youth to explore the opportunities. Higher studies in USA is great opportunity. Nail it and gain few years of experience (offcourse few thousand dollars as well… ).
Rather my post was directed to those amongst us who have made it (coming to USA) a aim of their life. And life ends as we land in USA. Don’t waste your youthful years in settling for something less than your potential. If you can, then don’t settle for mediocrity…
“ The greatest crime against humanity is playing small with your life.”
And I surely agree that the condition back home is not very favourable for many of us. Few of my friends (especially Female) have no place to go back. His/her parents are old, dependent and are staying with some of their married brother and sisters. So there is no home literally. Only parents visit USA every 2 years and stay for 6 months (which ofcourse is very difficult for people of their age without anyone to talk..this is the real problem with old age). And whether you get green card or citizenship, 90% of times, parents do not move to USA (even if they retire…they prefer visiting children rather than becoming dependent permanently by shifting their base to America)
I strongly agree and emphasize the point that people like us who are working in USA has done a great deal in financially supporting our families back home. But in my opinion, based on USA salary 5 years on H1B gives you decent savings after taking care of all your responsibilities back home in India. We pay all our loans, buy house for parents. Anything more than that is only greed and not need. Take the step.
The first step to change
is taking the first step.
As someone pointed out that I am complaining and not doing. For their Information I am an engineer from IIT , been in USA for last 3 years, cleared the most difficult civil services examination twice and currently successful bureaucrat in India…Because I chose not to wait till I get green card and returned back in time. I have No regrets from Life as I did what I wanted…I look forward to diversify my profile further…. 🙂 This is not the end…
Life is too short to play small.
Be successful.
Even more importantly…
Be significant.
Good luck…
One totally different prespective i want to add. its a real life story.
my uncle did BSc in Computer Science; and MBA from India. it was of course the period of 80s when programmers flourished like never before and no other profession ever gave such prosperity ever. he joined one Uk based MNC as a programmer and then IBM and then Infy. he attained to Vice president post in 1990s. he resigned in 94 joined yet another Indian company as a President and CEO. in all these years he was almost always in USA though he didnt attend any US university. he resigned from his last company as presicent & CEO and established his own company in Chennai in 2009. today its main office is in USA, 5 offices in India and 4 offices in different countries. i am not in a liberty to tell u guys company name but he is earning AWEEESOME! he is always visiting different countries and expanding his business. he goes on family vacations all over the world at least 2 times a year! US was a great attraction for him he being grown up in a poor village, but he never weave his dreams around USA only. one of the major mistakes we students do is we make our final destination USA in our thoughts. we are always in awe about power and global influence of America and we decide to become citizen of it at any cost. USA should be a “means” to ur dream not the destination. coz when u make it ur destination u cease to become a larger than life figure. Becoming just one of America’s immigrant crowd is one thing and becoming a larger-than-life figure is another! Many ppl end up becoming ordinary US citizens instead of becoming something great. yes, my Uncle is somewhat extra-ordinary guy but very shocking thing about him is he NEVER attended any great university in India or abroad. yes he was in top 10 students at BSc and MBA level, thats it. No SOPs, no LORs, no purposefully enhancing resume to get into any University no major awards and recognizations or no community service etc etc but he is much more wealthy and well established than his close friend who did BE and MBA from Stanford! i always believe in one thing, if you are determined and focussed to ur aim, if your thoughts are crystal clear about what to achieve you dont need any top University’s stamp to get recognization, you will surely reach to the top. all you need to do is use Kizen technique for ur goals until they became so clear to you. keep thinking on it, keep improving & modifying ur perspective. i can surely tell you ppl belonging to this category are very very less in this world and they are BORN leaders, no University can produce such ppl ever. my this answer is related to this article only. i have depicted in front of you a real picture of a person who has achieved things in life w/o aiming towards any specific country. main thing is
So true. USA should never be the final destination. It should be the means but not destination
Hi all,
I went through all comments. I would say all who are negetive had made their life a hell that is why you are having such problems. A brief about me when I came to USA i was 25 I was brought by a wealthy couple from India who needed domestic help.
converted into blog post at http://www.happyschoolsblog.com/stop-whining-about-american-lifestyle/
Really thoughtful and shaking the mindset of a young! Thanks for sharing.. certainly changed my perspective and opened up my mind! :=)
every people have different prospects of life , their way of thinking etc we cant compare to anyone else. some may think of exploring the world until no confinement. Thou from childhood , staying in same country feels quotidian and humdrum which can result in mental and physical apathy and moreover, we aspect auspicious article from HSB not those articles which can create adverse effect on someone’s mind.
Raghu .. As we all know you have been in US for quite some time. We all would love to hear your honest opinion about your experiences in US.that may lift spirits of the viewers 🙂
I’m all in for higher education in foreign countries, not just USA.
ok idk if whoever this person who left the comment/converted to blog is actuallly appreciating his life there. if you have the money and the opportunity why dont you travel atleast all the USA??? why are you whining about meeting 3 families? why do you not visit new places on weekends or take vacations and go to new places and meet new people?? Why do you want to waste your time there complaining? why are you nt making most of it??
please do.. either you make most of it personally or professionaly or rather in both the avenues, but please do. and please stop complaining!!
I have a follow up post in draft and I had the exact line of questions that you have posted. I wanted to see the responses for this article and write a follow-up post.
I fully agree with you. And I wish to add entrepreneurship is all about ideas and good timing, we all want a nice start-up somewhere, question is what are its chances of success. There is a risk and no one can answer that question for you, so lets stop trying to get everyone on the same side like a herd of sheep. About life …its all about how you make it, we don’t feel lonely at all – Much to the contrary we enjoy it and to be honest if someone asked me to pack my bags and return sorry the answer will be a big ‘No’ as what I dread is the chaos on the road, what I dread is the corruption in day to day life, what I dread is the staring and teasing on the road with my girls, what I dread are the power cuts, what I dread is the water shortage, what I dread is the garbage, what I dread is my own relatives poking their noses whenever they feel like, what I dread is the torture my children will go through in getting admissions and above all what I dread is that there are no solutions to all this in the near future. If I can live a life without these hassles why not!!! After all you live only once, so thank your stars that you did something in your life and made it.
Hi All,
I’m posting this comment copied from my comment on FB page of HSB.
The best advice I could give to the author get social, engage in American ways of living and behave like Roman while in Italy, otherwise simply go back (Don’t forget to tell fellow desis that u were completely unable to adjust with american way of life.)
There are ample reasons why I talked offensively, someone may think.
1st of all It’s necessary for someone to kick ass of people who are pissed off their life just to rejuvenate them. However, I don’t know whether the author is browsing over these comments.
2ndly, Some people in FB were talking about adjusting makes someone in herd ( or staying in USA with so many sacrifices) which is strictly no-no for a budding entrepreneur. Let me tell u another true story. Pablo Picasso (a great painter in modern times) was once asked by someone from UK whether he could actually draw anything sensible in conventional way of painting. U know what- Pablo painted a picture, which is still indistinguishable from the actual figure. It’s same everywhere. The bottom-line is that if you are actually a big thinker, innovator etc u should be proficient in conventional stuffs, know their problems and then go for new ways of thinking.
And yes I do think that ADJUSTING IS A GREAT SKILL. Getting over with cultural shock is utmost important. It’s not just about study, job and recognizing some Indian faces every weekend. If you can’t come out of your own known window how do u believe that u can be an actual entrepreneur!
In addition, I worked for a “reputable” PSU before coming here and I know that some persons in India (talking about prestige in civil services and PSU etc) basically hanker after being called as “Sirji” (or shit of British!) which I strongly , vehemently dislike to call upon anyone who the hell he is and worthless life (not synonymous with peaceful life).
And one last thing- I still don’t believe India has ushered into a new era of development and concerned opportunities.
+1
You nailed it man. It hurts many people’s ego. Whether they agree or not it’s truth. They may not see it now but once you reach 60s, there is nothing left. No one in India cares about you anymore and no one cares in USA. Only link you have is your kids. They are fighting their struggle. Then you look back and what a mess you have created for your self.. All this for what?
I agree with Akshay , Harsha, Sumit and Rajarshi
About Rishabh: Dear Sir, I fully agree with your story and congratulate you for achieving a great success in the field of entrepreneurship. As I pointed out in my article, you have achieved big in your life and your success is an inspiration for every one in a similar situation. You worked hard and achieved success in your field.
But my article was mostly concerned with the technically educated youth who still have to explore the possibilities in this world. They definitely have to find their real aim in life as you did.
The point I was making is the absence of social life. If you have people around you then you will definitely be happy in USA too. You are not going to miss India. But as far as I know the engineering professionals of my age (around 30 yrs) have contacts with max 5 indian families. And we never visit each other unannounced as in india. The social interaction is as formal as can be with any american family. You meet every month but could not connect heart to heart.
In any desi get together party we attend, there is the following pattern:
Party start at 7 pm, people arrive around 7.30 pm. At max 15 people (6-7 desi families) assemple. By 8.30 pm talks are finished. So we head for dinner. By 9.00 pm dinner is over. So everyone is bored. So the host start some game (any desi game, card game, or some movie) just to make the party enjoyable. But as usual families starts leaving by 9.30 pm.
I described this in so much detail just to emphasize the point that we actually have nothing to talk about. When I came from India to USA, I had so much to talk, becoz of our daily social interaction with people. But not now. Today also I call home. Its my parents who have things to tell me. I am turning into a less-interesting person day by day.
I was known to be a lively person.
The basic point is at the age of 45-50+ you will be lonely. And as an elder who should be full of experiences, But that will not be the case. And then you have two options
1. Stay in big home in USA. Scenic view, clear air and water, all medical facilities. Children will be married and staying in different cities. If you are fortunate spouse will be in god health or in worst case the death of spouse. Few visits by children. Perfect state of loneliness. No option of going back to india.
2. In India: You as an experienced elder will get much social circle outside house to share your experiences which you have gained in all these years. Even if children are away, you are not lonely. You still contribute to society.
Let me tell you one thing as an engineer, a well read person in psychology and sociology and an aware human being, talking is the only thing you can do at old age. It has been said many times
“Marry the one with whom you can talk since when you are old this will keep you together”
Let me share with you Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs
5.Self actualization
4Self esteem need:respect by others
3Love and belongingness need: family & friends
2Safety need: Safety of body, employment and property
1.Physiological need: Breathing, food, water, sleep, sex, excretion
The lowest need need to be filled for the arise of next higher need.
Staying in USA fulfills our physiological need very successfully, Safety need is also fulfilled here.
Love and belongingness is partially fulfilled since most of the times parents are back in India.
Esteem need arise only when love/belongingness need is fulfilled. So in most of the people it does not arise. Working in private sector 9-5 (certainly with exceptions of few entrepreneurs.) esteem need never arise as they never rise above the belonging need..
In India if you are in a decent job you can reach upto esteem needs. People clearing civil services exams in India, not for money, but for prestige. Its for self esteem need. And Very few amonst us rise upto self actualization stage.. that too very late.. But there are few who reach the last stage by the sight of many europeans in cities like rishikesh etc….
Living in same corner of country for next 40 years of life (in USA), with wife and children around in my opinion is similar to working for a small company in peaceful town (eg. nainital) in uttarakhand. Scenic beauty, happy life, more time to spend with family, less time to be spend on driving, no pollution. All things similar.
But for me the added advantage (in India) is the presence of parents on weekends atleast. I would be looking forward for every weekend, which I dont do in USA.
As someone said, its a matter of personal choice. If someone has a option and willingness to explore his/her capabilities, then take risk. Else most people manage to get older without much difficulty. Not everyone can lead a fulfilling life. Not everyone has option of thinking the question “Am i happy??”
“People confuse breathing with living”
I simply don’t want to die as a common man.
“If I try I might, If I Don’t I Wont”
I am sure there will be few among us who think about life more than just earning money. This article is dedicated to those.
@Civil:- Without money what can you achieve in this world?
Don’t act funny..
USA is heaven.. India is ZERO compared to the US… Plz don’t demotivate students following such a nice blog.
You are Completely right, Sir. I Completely agree with you. Life is not only materialistic need. Spiritual feedback completes the meaning of life. And it is possible only in India because of Indian great Culture. We have richest Cultural Values in India. Every relation is only just a show in USA or UK etc. There are no emotions in them. Why don’t Ratan Tata or Ambanis live in USA or UK.??? Because they know how to live life. They are living life much better than Obama or Bill Gates.
This article is majorly concerned with students who go to US for Masters and do job & get married and do same job for years on H1B while awaiting for a Green Card. Yes one has to stick to the same employer for years on the same post due to H1B glitches. (in India ppl can switch jobs so fast.) Lonliness, routine life all things are perfectly true and i dont think anyone in US right now can deny them. as long as your passion towards your career drives you, you dont feel lonly even if you live on Antarctica. But indians are more family & relatives oriented and love to spend time in functions, gatherings, get togethers and religious ceremonies. so it can be understood if some of them feel totally isolated in USA. also, even though u r driven by passion to do something great in ur chosen field and you want to work harder and harder, u definately have to give up socialization from Indian context as it doesnt exist in USA. Someone Punjabi Hotel owner was telling about how he has maintained indian cultural status quo…but to my opinion if a person migrates he loses so many things and since culture, social structure etc are drastically different in every country let their children adapt to new culture instead of enforcing on them desi culture, because if you want to have kids that are brought up like you were raised you should bring them up in the same country. if not let them be american in american style. because afterall they gonna live their for life. few essential sanskaars are okay as they reflect their roots, but many parents try to enforse indian style lifestle on them which starts creating distance between parents and children. and as they grow old on relationship ceases to exist. i know real life examples in our relatives. and i can say, at the age of 50-60 Indian Americans have at least some level of repentance for leaving India even though they have all the comforts. things which might feel stupid right now, matter them most at that age. America is all about materialism and Indians at core are NOT materialistic! thay hunger for affection, love, sympathy, care, sense of belongingness, togetherness etc. its been repeatedly proved that materalism can attract you, engage you in it but not perpetually. you have to be extremely selfish, self centered and greedy to derive ultimate levels of satisfaction from materalism. Sooner or later, that point comes in their life when abovementioned things take over career ambitions and passions-to prove urself in US! and boy! when that happens ppl really feel shattered and at that time doors to return to India are almost closed. so better find what type of person you are at the CORE and then decide whether to settle in US forever or to have fun for few years and then return. and besides this one very important point is, america is on the verge of collapse! its surely heading towards a giant economic catastrophe! i hope HSB in future will educate ppl about whats really going on in US economy and how impendig global economic collapse is iminant, as US university applicants are ignorant to such things!
Life is too short !! Doing the same s***t for years and years take some risks getting in to new things in life, if clicked you win if not you will learn a lesson and start something new again !!!
Happiness is very relative. But I agree with most of the points.
“Going to the same Walmart, going to same Indian grocers, meeting same 3 families, for the rest of your life”- I dont know why these three things are the only things you should be doing the rest of your life..
Its quite biased. No comments.
the biggest side-effect of staying l-o-n-g ( longer than you need ) in usa is ABCD. period.
The post addresses only one side of reality.
Different people have different aims and priorities. So, the choice of country differs. US promotes individualism, whereas India is more about collectivism. So, it’s all about an individual’s choice about what kind of life he wants, collective or individualistic.
I guess you are at wrong place with wrong people. I don’t know why today’s Indian generation behave differently when they come to US. I don’t know why they forget that at the end they are Indians and they will be Indians. I enjoy equally or I guess more in USA then in India. I earn much better then India and I enjoy this. It has been 23 years I am here and have a group size of more then 500 Indian Families. Remember I am talking of families not individuals. I don’t miss India when I am here. Today still I have the same Indian habits as I had 23 years back. USA did not change me a bit. An unannounced arrival of a Indian Family at my home almost daily is common with me. We celebrate as we use to celebrate in India. We meet as we use to meet in India. About Indian culture I have an Indian wife and she behaves same as normal working lady in India. I have 4 Children we have brought up as I was brought up. All my children have excellent command over Hindi and Punjabi. You can not differentiated in an Indian Punjabi Boy/Girl born and brought up in India and my children. About Visiting India, we steal time and visit India at least twice a year. My Nephew who is in India but is working in a different city visits his home once in two year. So I guess I am better then him. I was almost illiterate when i came here. I use to work as a dishwasher in a restaurant but today I own a restaurant. Boy don’t forget you are an Indian. Definitely you are at a wrong place with wrong people. And most important I WILL NEVER REGRET AT MY DEATH BED THAT WHY DID I SETTLE IN USA? I guess coming to USA was best decision of my life. It has given me that thing which India would never had given me. So think twice!!!
Sirji.. you said “All my children have excellent command over Hindi and Punjabi. You can not differentiated in an Indian Punjabi Boy/Girl born and brought up in India and my children”.
I would say your case is more of an exception. For an average Indian family settled in USA, imparting the same values into our kids as we had when we were brought up in India is the biggest struggle. It is more of an himalayan effort from our part as compared to a natural occurence if the chi;ld was brought up in India.
So Rishabh you are not well aware of the fact your kids had to go through at school. Being a teacher I see it everyday. The kids are the worst confused. They have to be American at school and Indian at home. Recently I happen to meet a Punjabi girl who was 6 and she told me that she was not able to talk till she was 5 as her mother talked to her in Punjabi and her day care lady in English. She told me that she was so confused as to which language to talk to? If you are still living like an Indian even after 23 years, then you are not an American. You might be only working with Indian people and only live in that group.
Rishab
You probably were sponsored by family with a green card from punjabi relatives. You dont know how hard it is to get h1b job or to work for the american bosses for decades until you get green card and citizenship. Punjabis are everywhere and if you only live in their surrounding you have no idea about other Indians who work in isolated, lonely situations in USA.
Priorities are different for different people. For some people, “dream big, achieve big”, might mean staying in the US/Europe to experience better living and make more money. For some, it might mean forgoing these worldly pleasures and going back to India. You definitely cannot paint anyone living in the US/Europe as unhappy, just because you feel that way.
Raghu
I would only like to know 1 thing ..is the above post your view or view of an anonymous author ?
Listed in the first line of the article.
This stupid, one-dimensional, pathetic, grammatically incorrect, incoherent, cheesy, cheap, cliched article written from prospective of some “Save all Money you earn even if you have to stay with your kids and parents in 1 BHK” indians is shouting on top of my head to unsubscribe from this site and save my soul from such rubbish journalism.
Jai Hind!!!
@Manish – Exactly said. HSB is demotivating students and preventing them from entering USA. India is nowhere compared to USA. Period.
HA HA HSB and demotivating Indian Students????? gimme a break!!
What do u mean by motivation ? Giving u a rosy picture about U.S.A. …
Face the reality dude…. If u want to make a difference then u have to learn to be tough..